Depression is a severe medical condition that affects the way we think, feel, and act. Despite with good intention, we sometimes say things that are unhelpful or may worsen a person's depression:
1. Don’t be lazy, you’re wasting
your time!
Why not?: Excessive tiredness is a common symptom of depression. "Lazy" implies that the person is having an attitude problem or making it up.
Why not?: Excessive tiredness is a common symptom of depression. "Lazy" implies that the person is having an attitude problem or making it up.
Mindful response: It must be very
frustrating feeling tired all the time and unable to do the things you want to
do...
2. It’s your bad kamma - do more
good!
Why not?: This may induce or worsen guilt feeling which is part of depression. It may also trigger thoughts of uselessness, "I'm not good enough."
Why not?: This may induce or worsen guilt feeling which is part of depression. It may also trigger thoughts of uselessness, "I'm not good enough."
Mindful response: Bad things sometimes do
happen in life and nobody really knows why. Let’s see how we can move on together…
3. Nothing is impossible; think
positive and be strong.
Why not?: Having depression is not a sign of weakness. Many great people in the world had depression.
Why not?: Having depression is not a sign of weakness. Many great people in the world had depression.
Mindful response: It must be really
tough going through all the difficulties. Maybe you’re too strong for too long…
4. How long more you want to be
depressed?!
Why not?: Being depressed is not a choice. We don't tell a person with cancer, "How long more do want to be cancerous?"
Why not?: Being depressed is not a choice. We don't tell a person with cancer, "How long more do want to be cancerous?"
Mindful response: Wow! You’ve been struggling for so long. I wonder how you manage to cope…
5. Be grateful. You’re already very lucky; many are worse.
Why not?: This may be invalidating or disrespecting the emotional pain of a depressed person. They may also think, "Ya, I'm so useless/ungrateful. People can cope and move on, but I can't. Terrible me!"
Why not?: This may be invalidating or disrespecting the emotional pain of a depressed person. They may also think, "Ya, I'm so useless/ungrateful. People can cope and move on, but I can't. Terrible me!"
Mindful response: It’s unfortunate that
so many bad things had happened to you. Let’s
see how we can work on them…
6. Why are you so weak? You
think you’re the only one with problems?!
Why not?: Obviously, he/she is not coping well, despite others may be having the same problems and are able to cope. Else, he/she won't be suffering from depression.
Why not?: Obviously, he/she is not coping well, despite others may be having the same problems and are able to cope. Else, he/she won't be suffering from depression.
Mindful response: Ya, life sometimes
can be terrible. I’m also going through
some challenges…
7. Stop pretending to be
depressed!
Why not?: Nobody chooses or pretends to have cancer. Similarly, depression, as a medical condition, is NOT a choice.
Why not?: Nobody chooses or pretends to have cancer. Similarly, depression, as a medical condition, is NOT a choice.
Mindful response: Perhaps you don’t have
to try so hard pretending to be happy. Sometimes,
it’s OK not to be ok…
In brief, try to be a good listener, understanding, empathetic, and supportive (e.g. offer tissue paper for crying, give a gentle pat on the shoulder).
In brief, try to be a good listener, understanding, empathetic, and supportive (e.g. offer tissue paper for crying, give a gentle pat on the shoulder).
"What should I do if I or somebody has depression?"
"12 ways to encourage a person with depression to seek help"
Kindly refer to the book, "I'm still Human: Understanding Depression With Kindness."
